Dear Andrew,

I find myself so angry lately. 

When we lost you so many people ignored our pain or were there for the first couple weeks and then were never heard from again.  Now that your brother has arrived people are coming out of the woodwork with congratulations, cards, and presents.  Where were they when we lost you?  Surely people need more support when they lose a child and are drowning in grief rather than celebratory and happy.

 I know people don't like to be reminded of how fragile life can be.  I know they don't like to be reminded of what could have happened to them.  But it doesn't make losing you any easier and it doesn't make me any less angry.  I truly feel so angry with these supposed family and friends that I can't think straight sometimes.  It seems so unfair that you get pushed to the side and treated like that.  You are my baby and I want you to be recognized with the dignity, love, and care that you deserve.

A part of me knows that I should let it go but I don't think I'm ready to yet.  Forgiving them feels like I am betraying you.  I'm not ready to forgive those who left us when we needed them.  I don't want them included now.  I want to shut everyone out who hasn't reached out over the past year and tell them to shove it.  I'd use stronger words to get my point across if I could.  I just can't understand their logic.  I can't understand how they feel like it's ok to reach out now.  Like everything is magically better and we can all move on with our lives.

I don't feel like that.  I want you included in everything.  I want you here and part of our everyday lives.  Instead, I'm thrilled and in love with your brother but missing you more than I have in awhile.

I love you and miss you baby.