Dear Andrew,

I am so angry.

Angry that you aren't here and that we will miss out on seeing you grow up.

Angry that I have your picture on my desk and no one has said a thing.  Everyone looks at it but no one says a word.

Angry that people won't acknowledge you.

Angry that a company I have worked for for ten years didn't even acknowledge your death.

Angry that people seem to think your little brother or sister is a reason to completely forget about you.

Angry that your little brother or sister isn't yet surrounded by the same excitement that we had with you (but hopeful that will change with time).

Angry that very few people understand what your father and I have gone through.  I wish I could show them a video of those first few weeks when we lost you.  I want people to understand that we are still grieving!

Angry that your grandmothers feel the need to comment on every part of this pregnancy.  One won't stop talking about C-sections and the other is talking about having someone stay with your little brother or sister a few weeks after birth.  I will have this baby the best way the consultant sees fit.  And I will not be giving this baby to anyone for a long time!  Your father and I just want your little bro/sis so badly after losing you that I can't imagine not having him/her with us at all times.

I think I'm just angry all the time.

I can't get my head around the fact that we lost you.  I can't accept that the day before you died you were fine and the next day you were gone.  How does that happen?  How do you have a healthy baby for 41 weeks and then on 41+1 they are dead?  How do you get over giving birth to a baby who was dead?  How do you get over the fact that you carried a dead baby?

All these questions that I will never really get answers to.  Eventually I will learn to live with it but I will always miss you and always love you and a part of me will never accept that you are gone.