Dear Andrew,

Returning to work has been tough as I'm sure you know.  So few people mention you.  People act like  I was away on holidays for the past seven months and not mourning your loss.  I don't need people to mention you all the time but it's awkward to return from maternity leave and have a group of fourteen people where only three have mentioned anything about you.

There have been lots of sneaky bathroom tears and it's only been three weeks.  A girl on maternity leave at the same time as me brought her baby in for everyone to see.  I didn't get a warning and happened upon her in work.  That sent me for a loop. I can usually handle these things but I think I need more warning to psych myself up.  I wasn't ready and it definitely sent me to the bathroom in tears for a little while.

My boss also had a baby six weeks ago and sits across from me at work.  Everyday someone comes up to talk to him about babies and congratulate him.  It's lovely for him and I don't want to take away from his happiness but these are the same people who haven't acknowledged your loss.  It makes me feel like such an outcast that people can't even acknowledge you but they will acknowledge all these other babies.  You existed!  I gave birth to all nine pounds of you!!  Why can't people take that into consideration when completely ignoring the fact that I am still mourning you?  How can they be so callous as to ignore your very existence in my life?

It's tough.  As tough as I thought it would be but I'm managing.  I just miss you and crave acknowledgment of you from people outside of friends and immediate family.

I love you and miss you baby boy.