Dear Andrew,

December 3, 2013

We have six days until we have the ultrasound for your little brother or sister.  I have to say that I am not looking forward to it all.

The last ultrasound we had was when they told us you had no heartbeat.  When you were 41 weeks and had decided to wrap yourself in your cord and die.  Now we have to go through this all over again.

Now the doubt is starting to creep in.  What if there is no heartbeat this time?  Can I handle that disappointment again?  What if there is something wrong?  I have all these worries that I never had with you.  I was always confident that you were there and you were perfect.  And I was right up until the day before you were born.

How are we going to handle this baby?  Are we going to cope ok?  Am I going to worry non-stop?  Is every ultrasound going to put the fear of god into me?

I know I won't be as confident or laid back as I was with you.  I'm going to be a wreck and I'm just hoping that you can help us get through this somehow.  You need to help us get your little brother or sister here safely.  It's the most important thing in the world to us and hopefully to you too.

Love you.