This is our first Christmas without you and I'm leaving you tomorrow for three weeks. I went and decorated your box today and found myself more emotional at your grave than I have in a long time. Don't get me wrong, I'm always emotional when it comes to you. But this was almost back to the all encompassing sadness of the first few weeks that we lost you. I had so much trouble leaving your little spot and felt so guilty when I finally did. I know if I had told myself last year that I would feel guilty for leaving a grave that I would have thought I was crazy. But I do feel guilty. Guilty for leaving you on the holidays. Guilty that you aren't here. Guilty that we have any happiness right now.
I hope you like your little Christmas ornaments and tinsel and snowman. I know the snowman was lit for you on Sunday but it didn't look like it was working today. I tried to make your box feel a little festive so you would know we are always thinking about you. Even though we won't be here at Christmas know that you are always with us no matter where we are.
I love you.
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