Dear Andrew,

This Christmas holiday was supposed to be so different.  I'm at your grandparents house for Christmas and you are supposed to be here along side me.  We were supposed to go show you off to the relatives with your grandparents and then we were all going to fly back to there house.  I definitely thought I was going to need the help flying you so far!  Instead, we cancelled seeing any family and few straight out to your grandparents.

I don't want to see anyone or talk to anyone.  It doesn't help that they all have babies your age which are definitely too difficult to see at this point.  But being here isn't easy either.  There are little things that show your grandparents were expecting you too.  There's a play mat, and a bouncy swing, and so many little clothes for you.  Everywhere I go and every breath I take is a reminder that you aren't here.  That you aren't where you are supposed to be and it hurts so much.  It just seems to be getting worse rather than better.  I know the holidays aren't helping because it is such a child's holiday and I was looking forward to spending it with you.

It's snowing here and I was so excited to have you in a little teddy bear snowsuit.  I was excited to show you the Christmas lights and to get your first picture with Santa.  Instead, I'm shunning the holidays while the rest of the world celebrates.

I miss you so much baby boy.  I hope wherever you are you are helping us get through this next couple of weeks.