Wednesday, January 15, 2014

Dear Andrew,

I'm scared for tomorrow. It's our first meeting with the consultant for your little brother or sister. I hope with every fiber of my being that he/she is ok. Can we take anymore bad news? Probably. But that doesn't mean I want to.

I'm sad all the time. A part of me died with you that I'll never get back. I would just like a little happiness to help with the dark days.

Right now I keep having nightmares. Mostly about losing this baby but some about you too. It took a lot not to wake up screaming after the last one. And I often wake up crying. I would just like some happiness to temper the desperate all consuming sadness that envelops me sometimes.

I hope you are happy wherever you are baby boy. We love you.

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