Dear Andrew,

Today was emotional. I don't know if it's because I'm going back to work tomorrow or it was just a day where your loss hit harder.

We were visiting your grave today. Your father and I were chatting with you like we always do. We started talking about what you should be doing now. Crawling around this tiny apartment and wreaking havoc. And it hit me.  The reality of our situation. We never get to see your cute little face again. I never even saw what your eyes looked like. Most days I can keep it together but today it made me sad. More sad than usual,

After our visit we came home and I started going through your things. I wanted to put your blankets in bags to protect them for the next few months. And it hit me again. All these tiny socks and shoes and pjs that were bought for you and never used. A whole room for you that you never slept in. It's so heartbreaking. I can push it to the back of my mind most days but not today.

I miss you so much. Seeing your hospital clothes in the memory box with your tiny bear really brought it home again. I just want you here and can't understand why we had to lose you. It's just not fair.

I love you and miss you so much baby boy.