Dear Andrew,

There were a lot of people talking about you today me, your dad, our consultant, the midwives.  It was nice to see that even though we are (God willing) having a little brother or sister for you that you won't be forgotten.  We will never forget you but I like when other people say your name.  They put your name all over your little brother/sister's file.  One of the midwives even said that you will be looking out for number two.  All I could say was I hope so.  But deep down I know you have to be.  You have to be there somewhere willing your little brother/sister along the way.

Today was emotional but I always knew it would be.  I was a mess yesterday.  I couldn't sleep last night.  I was convinced there was something wrong with this little one.  What a complete 180 from how I was with you, right?  I don't remember ever worrying with you except at the end when I was counting those kicks.  Even that didn't save you.

I always forget how nice people can be and how surprised I am every time they are nice.  Your death has been so isolating that my expectations from people are practically non-existent.  I'm used to people ignoring us or feeling uncomfortable around us because of what happened.  But today was so different.  Once they saw the letter about your cord accident at 41 weeks they brought us straight in and kept saying they were sorry for your loss.  They talked about handling us with kid gloves and how your little brother or sister won't go to 40 weeks.  Your poor little bro/sis is going to be getting evicted early.  We won't be letting him/her laze about in there like you were allowed to do.

We will be getting a scan at 20 weeks to check for growth and issues.  But we also get another growth scan at 34 weeks to see how your little sibling is growing and how soon we will be able to evict them.  I wish we had gotten this level of care for you.  Not that you needed it as you were perfect and I wasn't the emotional mess that I am now.

Thankfully your father was with me.  He was impressed I held it together for so long.  Sometimes I think he thinks I would just walk around crying all the time if it were up to me!  But he was good and he was there supporting all of us just like he did with you.  I know he was a little anxious as well because once they pulled #2 up on the scan he was right up there looking for that heartbeat.

I miss you so much baby.  I wish your fat little face was here smiling and giggling at us.  But it isn't and we have dealt with and are still dealing with this terrible loss.  It was nice though to feel like we were going to be cared for and that the midwives understood what we were going through.  Now we need you to help us through this.  We need you close to watch and care for your sibling while helping them make it here alive and healthy.

I love you.