Dear Andrew,

Yesterday was a difficult day.  But the 8th of every month since June has been a difficult day.  Well, really everyday since the 8th of June has been hell.  You should have been four months old yesterday.  We should have had you in your little onesie taking pictures with your four month monkey sticker.  I was so excited to have an album at the end of your first year showing how you've grown.  Instead the stickers are still in their packaging, sitting in your drawer.  Just like your clothes, your blankets, and the little cow outfit your grandmother bought you for Halloween. 

You should be laughing and smiling by now.  You should be a big boy wreaking havoc on our house, spitting up on us, and crying when you don't get your way.  Your daddy should be holding you while he watches sports.  He was so excited to have someone to watch his millions of sports with even if you didn't care in the beginning.  And I was so excited to just have you.  To have my little man to cuddle with and watch grow up  But that isn't what happened and now it never will.

So happy four month birthday baby boy.

I love you.