You are constantly on my mind but lately even at night I can't let what happened to you go. I lay in bed for hours thinking about you while your father lies there snoring. How does he sleep so easily while I don't even start to fall asleep until nearly four every morning? I think about what you should look like right now and where you should be developmentally. I think about your hair more than anything. I was obsessed with those soft little brown curls when you came out. I couldn't stop touching it and would just sit there stroking your head whenever we were holding you. Now all I do is imagine what that little head of hair would look like now. I wonder what we'd be doing everyday and how different your parents relationship should be with you here. Some days it doesn't even feel like you were real. It feels like you were a figment of my imagination. But then I look at your pictures, my locket, and all the other little signs you were here and I know it was real. It was horrifyingly real. I honestly hope I never have to go through something like that again because I'm not sure I could cope.
Life teased me and blessed me by giving you to me for so long. We were so ready for you and to lose you eight days after your due date seems so cruel. I find myself constantly asking why and never coming up with an answer. People say everything in life happens for a reason but I would like to see them come up with a reason as to why we have to suffer and why you had to die. I don't see any reasoning in that and I know I never will.
I love you so much.
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