Dear Andrew,

I was having a conversation the other day about you.  The person mentioned that your father and I have gone through one of the hardest and worse things a parent could go through.  They said the only thing that would be worse is losing an older child.

I took exception to that.  How is it easier to have a stillborn child than losing an older child?  Do people think because we had less time with you and therefore less memories that it makes it any easier to say goodbye to you?  If I spoke to someone who lost an older child and asked them if they would rather have lost that child when it was in the womb, how do you think they would feel?  Would they trade in all of their memories of their child, thinking that they might suffer less?

I do not believe any parent would do that.

For us, we've lost out on a lifetime with you.  We will never hear your first laugh, watch your first step, or see you smile at us. We mourn not only your life but the life with you that we lost out on.   I don't know how anyone could think losing a child in the womb or shortly after makes our situation any easier than someone who lost their child when they were 3, 15, or 40.  When you lose a child no matter what the age a part of you dies.  I just wish people would understand that even though we never met you outside of me that we knew you.  You were and are our baby.  It doesn't make a difference that we don't have any memories beyond that.  And it certainly doesn't make losing you any easier.  We are parents who desperately miss our child and all that should have come with you being born alive.