Dear Andrew,

When does this pain get easier?  When does the pain of losing you not infect every single second of my life?  I don't want to let you go.  I will never let you go.  I just want to learn to live with the pain.  I want to learn how to accept that you are gone.  I want to learn how to survive this constant feeling of drowning in the sorrow of your loss.

Sometimes I feel like I am the only person that misses you.  Sometimes I feel like I'm the only one who won't forget you and am constantly fighting for people to remember that you were here and you were alive.  I know I'm wrong and that everyone grieves differently but I don't want you to ever be forgotten.  To be pushed to the back shelf like someone who didn't matter.  And I feel like people are already doing that.  You haven't even been gone six months and I feel like people want me to move on and pretend like you weren't here.  And a part of me wishes they could experience what I went through losing you so that they would understand.  I know you aren't supposed to wish this loss on anyone but sometimes I do.  Where is the compassion of other people?  You were not a pet, you were not an object that I held dear for a little while.  You were a living, breathing human being.  You were my son.  My firstborn.  The love of my life.  And no matter what happens I will never forget your short life or how your little presence changed my life so completely.  I want people to understand that this isn't something you get over.  It's something you learn to live with.  One day you wake up and realize the pain is still there but it isn't as raw.  And I'm just waiting for that day to come.