Dear Andrew.

November 13, 2013

Today I went to the doctor to confirm that you're little brother or sister really does exist.  And the answer is yes!  Our doctor was so excited you would think she was part of the family.  She was practically jumping up and down with excitement.  Although, I would say she was probably excited I was coming in with good news and not uncontrollably crying in her office. 

There were still some tears.  We talked about you.  She mentioned that this didn't replace you or make us forget you which I appreciated.  I am so afraid that people assume once your little brother or sister is here that we will forget about you.  I just want you to know that will never happen.  You will forever be our first baby.  Our precious little boy who we love so much.  We just need someone here to love too.

So now you have a job.  You are to watch your little brother or sister grow and keep them out of harm's way.  You need to make sure he/she makes it safely into this world.  They need to be healthy and alive and I'm trusting you to make this happen. 

The doctor wrote us a note to get an early scan since she knows I'm a ball of nerves.  We dropped it into the hospital and it was our first time back since your PM results.  It's our first time in the hospital that doesn't have anything to do with you.  I felt physically ill going back in there and your father said he felt the same.  I don't know how we are going to get through the next nine months when we have to keep going into that hospital.  I feel like every scan is going to give me heart palpitations until we see a heartbeat every time.

When we handed the letter to the secretary and it mentioned your death she still wasn't sure we would get an early scan.  This made me so angry!  Here I was on the verge of tears from having to walk in there and the secretary said that your death was not due to any genetic issues so I shouldn't need an early scan.  I held it in check but by God I was so close to losing it.  Thankfully she went to check one of the sisters and came straight back saying it was fine.  At least the sister knew to say yes and understood our need to have this done.  So on December 9th we hopefully get to see your little brother or sister. 

Please help them thrive over the coming months and watch out for them.  Help your mom and dad get through the next nine months without going completely crazy.

We miss you so much and will need you more than ever over the coming months.